Simple Accountability

It has been a long time since I have written. During this dry / non-writing patch “life” was going strong… I changed jobs, multiple times, my father survived one bout with cancer but, like many, didn’t survive the second and died in June, and, most important, we adopted an eleven year old boy from the Philippines (which you can read about on my wife’s blog www.adoptingrey.blogspot.com).

And so the adventure continues.

I started writing this as a way of outlining the choices my wife and I have made regarding our process of “simplifying” and coupling that with the notion of “accountability”… we are choosing a “smaller footprint” in our lives so that we can impact the world around us and thus have a “bigger handprint”.

Our choice to adopt fits right in there… and it is a good example of this principle in practice…

It is expensive to adopt internationally… expensive in money and expensive in time (the process and the attention that he needs now that he is here). Rather than buy “stuff” or take vacations, we made the space to have an impact. Our lives didn’t get “simpler” by any stretch of the imagination – but the choices got and get simpler. I would LOVE to have the money or the energy or to feel the “call” to assist every orphan in the world (heck, how about just one orphanage in Manila)… but I don’t and our impact may be small but it is what we can do given the resources and talents that my wife and I have.

Rerey is a wonderful, handsome, smart, stubborn, LOUD, athletic, frustrating, emotionally disconnected and sometimes lazy kid – kinda like a lot of kids. In many ways he is normal and that has challenges… in many ways he is not normal – his past and what he has seen and experienced as a street kid in the slums of Manila are inconceivable to me as an adult – let alone trying to understand how a kid can process and handle it all. He requires a lot of work and effort. That is what we have “space” for right now. That is what we committed to. Not to save all the kids in the world but to make a difference for one kid.

We participate from where we are…

We were not waiting for a time when the stars would align or for God to send a clear message or until it felt right.

“It is easier to act your way into a feeling than to feel your way into an action.” – John Maxwell.

My problem with inaction or better my personal inertia is more because my ego would like my action to be HUGE… to solve poverty in the African continent or to “fix” the education system in the U.S. I use “it must be big enough” to allow me to not act on those things that are closer and “less attention getting” for my ego. See… if my ego had it’s way, we wouldn’t have adopted one child, we would be saving an orphanage and putting a system in place in the Philippines that would allow for orphans to matriculate into training that would assure they would get good paying jobs thus breaking the cycle of poverty and poor education which are part of the root cause of kids becoming orphans. Which, for me, given my reach and my economic status and the time I have to commit to it, would take approximately a million years… so why start in the first place.

Thankfully, my wife and I talked about what to do and where to start and years ago we decided to embark on this path. I still “feel” the pull of “wait until it can be greater”. But I also know that if I listen to the voice that tells me “it must be big enough” or “it must be more important” and respond to that pull, I would have missed out on so much… the meeting and getting to know the wonderful people from Rerey’s orphanage; watching my Cooper and Henry grow as the have accepted, loved, and also fought with their new brother. I would have missed watching my wife blossom (she really is a good writer and truly a great mom) and get really focused and overcome so much “stuff” personally (read her blog)… mostly I would have missed having a new son in my life. HOW could I let that inertia take hold after that. Every time I look at him I see the miracle he is and the miracle that he has brought to my life and to our family.

the biggest challenge i experience when i work with people or businesses about their fiscal, physical, networking and/or the temporal resources they have for life or business is the difficulty in being honest.  Really honest.  Honest not just in your head but “outloud” with others in your business, your wife, a trusted advisor.  There is a change in perspective when this information is no longer hidden.  It begins with honesty, with self or others.  You have to be honest about what has happened in the past, what is happening now, and what may happen in the future.  There seems to be a great deal of denial in many businesses in at least one of these areas.  Someone may be brilliant with the finances of the business but may be completely oblivious - or even worse - supporting a non-reality based perception of the amount of time they are spending on the business versus with their family.

i’m going to focus on the money side, but this process could and should be applied to the other resources as well (physical, relationship, time) and ideally, if you have access to support, you will find it and use it:

1. History Lesson: what has happened in the past, in the case of finances it would be an audit.
2. Current Situation: what is going on right now and what are the implications of those things continuing.
3. Future Casting: is that where you want to be? if not, what should change? how? and how much?

When it comes to our fiscal resources (money) I will frequently ask business owners to review their past as far back as they can go… with as much detail as they can easily uncover.  “Easily” is a relative term, so set a specific amount of time you will spend in this quest and stick to it.  The goal is to understand what has happened so you can better understand how you got where you are.  It is also to connect the dots between choices, behaviors, and results. This is not a complete audit of historic financials.

Typically, the first thing we look at is what is actually going out and coming in - what I would encourage you to do is to track everything, group it into categories.  Categories on both the “income” and the “outgo” side should be general at first and then refined as reality guides you into building standard categories.  Do this a couple of months in a row and get a real understanding of what your expenses and income really look like.  My clients are usually surprised at what they find.  Often, merely being aware of this information begins the foundation for long-term change.  If you are married, involve your spouse… if you are in a business, involve everyone who has impact on both sides of the balance sheet.  This process typically gives us an idea of areas that need some attention whether positively or negatively (do more and invest in vs. so less and don’t spend on)…

Next we look at where is it.  Where is the money? in a bank? invested? in your car?  your house? your equipment?  is it on a credit card? a line of credit?  a bank loan? - this is important.  Knowing where the money is sitting and where it is going helps you better understand what you can use for research and development or a vacation to the south Pacific.  It also helps you understand that IF you want to do something in addition to what is already happening you will have the opportunity to know where and how quickly you can become liquid.  And, by the way, if the money is a line of credit, a loan from someone or in a credit card, it isnt yours; you are borrowing it from your future earnings.  It is not a bad or a good thing… it may even be a necessary thing… but it is no less real.

Finally, we review what we should be spending money on in the coming months/quarter/year… we first map out the “must haves” - costs for the buildings, vehicles, and/or other equipment that we have to use to do the business; at the same time, the people related costs in order to conduct the business… there are other must haves that we map.  Everything else - the “non-must-haves” then get laid in IF there is money left OR if they are things we plan on investing in or doing IF enough money comes in.  These are all prioritized.

We also map the income side of the business using history and current situations in order to provide a best guess a the future.  An important but often missed aspect is “seasonality”… this can be “externally” imposed (ie: the federal government has a very distinct buying season; consumer goods and Christmas; elk season in Idaho - believe it or not; etc.) but they can also be “internally” imposed (staff retreats; company parties; sales trainings) - these are not necessarily “bad” things, BUT they do and should impact both your forecasted income and your forecasted expenses.

This is a very simplistic approach to looking at our resources.  If you commit to looking at your fiscal, physical, relationships, and time resources in a “real” and measurable way with support, you will be in a better position to know where when why and how you have hit both good and bad periods with your business or personal life and you will have some guide posts to help you stay on or get back on track.

i was talking to a friend and he was lamenting a discussion that he and his 8 year old son had about the economy.  His son said that if they ever ran out of money that they wouldnt have to worry… the government would give them what they needed.  My friend tried to explain to his son some of what was going on (as best as any of us could).  mostly he and i talked about was the perception that his son now had.  If you dont have enough, the government will just give you more.

so… what’s this got to do with looking at the “Resources” associated with my self or my business?

because we are training ourselves and our kids… even managing our businesses and our government… from the perspective of not being responsible for the choices and decisions we make.  when we “rescue” the auto industry or the banks to prevent them from “failing” (newsflash: as businesses, as employers, as members of a free market - they have already failed!) we set the tone that this is how things work… when we create an expectation that profits are private but losses should be socialized the system loses integrity, lacks accountability and creates an environment of unrealistic expectations.

and this is concerning…

i’m reminded of what Thomas Paine wrote in Common Sense, “… a long habit of not thinking a thing wrong, gives it a superficial appearance of being right, and raises a formidable outcry in defence of custom.”

and that is what we see from the car companies and the banks (and others as things begin to trickle down and up and around)… if we dont save them what will happen to us?  this is the defense of custom that Paine was warning us about.  not thinking something is wrong does not inherently make it right… it just means we havent really been thinking about it.

in looking at the resources available to us either personally or professionally we have to be realistic and grounded in an expectation that while there is abundance and opportunity, but they dont come without effort;  while we have more choices than any other culture that has ever existed,  this freedom doesnt come without accountability for our actions and choices.  as we look at what resources we do have and how to best utilize them, keep in mind that we are ultimately responsible for the resources we have been given and are accountable to how we use them… hopefully responsibly while we seek to achieve the results we are after.

as we look at resources, i want to categorize them into fiscal, physical, network, and temporal.  money, stuff, people, and time. the thing about resources is not what or how you are using them - that is up to you… the issue is more about being conscious of them and making sure that you are using them as you would really want them to be used.  resources are limited and using them consciously our responsibility.

Next post will be about breaking down each of these categories: fiscal (money), physical (stuff), network (people and relationships), and temporal (time).

In looking at context, i looked at the notion of understanding that the behaviors we exhibit are getting us the results we are getting and then consciously choosing to keep them, modify them, eliminate them, and / or add new ones…

BUT… in that “space” between old and new… as we are in the process moving from where we have been to where we will be is where we are - it’s a transition… it’s a middle (and, if we’re honest, we are in reality always in the middle)…

Call me strange, but i have always been fascinated by middles… that space of transition… whether it’s in business where something is “broken” and needs fixing or starting a new thing…

humanity’s great stories and myths are all about middles - spaces of transitions… wilderness, desert, the sea are all places of “transition” as heroes, kings, and even gods move from one place or role or objective to another.

and not just in mythology… humanity of every culture on the planet has rites of passage as the children move from youth to adulthood.  Marriage and the journey that is… having children and the never ending variations associated with that… We are better defined by our middles… our character is defined and realized in action in transitions and middles…

i have always found great prosperity and joy in transition from job to job in a company; in leaving one company and moving to another… i always learn so much and discover more about others and myself.

middles are messy… transitions are confusing and can be painful… relationships change as people can resent our choice or be supportive and new people can come into the picture…

John Updike passed away this week but i have always been drawn to an interview i heard with him where he talked about why he wrote about “ordinary” life and the middle class… he said, “I like middles,” and he continued. “It is in middles that extremes clash, where ambiguity restlessly rules.”

and i think that Updike nailed it… see, i dont think we like ambiguity… we dont like “clashes” - we like specificity and events and places… we talk in terms of “defining moments” and accomplishments… those are easier and better defined.  they are simple and require very little explanation.

but i’m challenging myself to really look at understanding myself as ever in the middle… in motion and transition from “here” to “there” - whether that is a spiritual, mental, or physical journey…

and since i do spend most of my time in the middle… in transition… isnt it more accurate to define myself by the process i am engaged in rather than by something else?

Developing a “context” has been, for me, the first step in goal setting, choosing projects, choosing to make a change, and even in better understanding my own and other people’s behavior.  Having a context defines us and our actions.  If i know the context within which i am acting and other people are acting then i can better understand, empathize and even communicate better.

When i think about context i think about it as relationship based - this probably comes from my studies in anthropology, linguistics and archaeology where material culture and social and political structures were analyzed and given meaning by virtue of their context… their relationships to that which surrounds, and gives meaning.  Heck, this could be considered a version of semiotics.  It’s similar to the idea of describing an object in motion - you can only describe it as it relates to the position of other objects… Whatever…

What i’d like to toss up and consider is the notion of context as it relates to time… specifically, time as relates to the choices in behavior and action that i choose to take every day.

i see it that we typically make decisions from 1 of 5 contexts: historical, present, short horizon, long horizon, and eternal.

From my experiences in coaching and leading others, most of the decisions i see are born in one of the first three contexts and, of those, usually the first one, historical.

if i make choices or exhibit behavior because i’ve always done it this way, because of the expectations of others, or because of something that has happened to me in my past i am then acting out of an historical perspective.

Sometimes i make choices from a very present / right now context… eating something i know is unhealthy but tastes good or having too much to drink… or even deciding to go sledding at the last minute… are all easy examples of a present context.  And, the present context also includes today or this week or this month.  Making choices and exhibiting behaviors that are driven from an understanding of how these behaviors will impact today… this week… or this month are all within the realm of having a “present” context.

Short horizons are contexts that evaluate and understand behaviors and choices as they relate to the next year or five or ten.. and long horizons look at my choices and behaviors and the impact they have over my lifetime.

What i’m learning and working to implement more regularly is keeping an eternal context.

An eternal context takes into consideration all of these contexts and then lays them against the perspective of eternity… as an example, how may or how can my decisions and my behaviors impact my children… their children… our community… others… our planet.

To be clear, this isnt to say that anytime we do something that is good for the planet that we arent, possibly, making choices or exhibiting behaviors out of an historical context… If the underlying reason we do a thing is to get some degree of immediate recognition, acknowledgment, as a way of keeping score, making ourselves look good or as revenge… then we are acting out of an historic context.  When we take action or make decisions out of an eternal perspective we typically are not concerned with any sort of immediate gratification.

Now, it is hard not to draw the conclusion that all decisions are “eternal” in that my choices and behaviors today will have an impact… some fall-out… in the future… but the difference is the way in which we enter into these choices - are we being conscious and choosing to have that perspective or are we just acting and letting eternity take care of itself.  Whether we know it or not… whether we like it or not… we leave a legacy… we have a wake… we all have an impact both directly and indirectly in ways that we will never know and consciously choosing to consistently exhibit behaviors that have an eternal context… that take into consideration a timeline outside of my self… can subtly and not so subtly change the trajectory of my life.

Practice having a context by looking at your calendar and see where you are planning on spending your time… and then ask yourself what was the context within which you made this commitment… and finally ask how COULD you spend my time in order to make an impact in eternity…

Ok, so my last post was about resolving to live more consciously in order to make changes that will be longer lasting.

The challenge is that it sounds like, “you know that thing you do that you really want to change… well… stop doing it.”  There is a great vignette, Stop It - MadTV,  that does a great job of capturing that feeling…

What i am talking about is the process of making changes in our lives.  There is indeed something about our biology that causes us to create patterns… and then repeating them often enough, these patterns become so ingrained that they become unconscious.  So, there is actually a bit of biology to the process of making change.

At the core, though, it means being conscious of the patterns i currently exist, honestly assessing whether i want to keep them or not, and then identifying new patterns that are needed to replace the old ones.  Oh, and it is going to take time.

i am no biologist and no expert on the structure of the brain so this will be an overly simplistic explanation of how this all works.  The brain is an elastic structure that relies on dendrites and neurons to fire and connect.  These connections are made when we have an experience… and they are made deeper and stronger the more often and regularly we repeat this experience… and they are actually “burned” in to the structure if there is a high degree of emotion tied to the experiences.

These become patterns and the brain actually changes it’s structure to physically support these patterns.

And so, as we slowly, create connections that no longer require us to be conscious - they just happen and our behavior just happens.  We start to do some things on autopilot.  I have a friend whose only experiences with dogs as a child were biting or chasing affairs… and today he is deathly afraid of all dogs - his “flight” mechanism is so great that even if a dog appears on TV, he has to leave the room or change the channel.  I have a very specific morning routine that i have been doing every morning for about 20 years.  When i have been on vacation or go on a business trip, the very thought of potentially not having my routine makes me very uncomfortable.  I have a couple of female friends who cant understand why every guy they date ends up treating them the same way…

The more often we exhibit a behavior in close association with some other stimulus (exercise first thing in the morning, having cereal with the news, being attacked by dogs) the more deeply embedded will that memory be and the less we will have to exert our “will” to do the behavior and eventually this behavior will become unconscious.

In order to make any substantive changes in our lives, we have to first recognize and be conscious of our current patterns.  That’s why looking at where we spent our time in 2008 is a great place to start - it isnt our memory or our beliefs or where we feel we shouldve spent our time… it is reality.  We have to be conscious of the patterns in our lives.

The beauty of this, though, is that once you understand how this works, you can create your own patterns that you can, consciously, build in order to get different and better results in 2009.  You have the control now… it is just a function of being aware of that control and exercising it.  When you start the process of putting behaviors or patterns in to your life, you need to ask: what behaviors do i want to put in and why do i want to put them in and you need to know that these behaviors will take time to become unconscious patterns… the ones you have today didnt get there over night.  i remember that it took about 4 months for the feelings of “need” for a diet soda to go away (i quit on a dare from my wife)… and about a year before they just stopped coming back at certain times of the day or with meals.

As you go about the next couple of weeks, look at how you spend your time and ask your self “is this a pattern?”  and then “is this a pattern i want to keep or change?”

The next step is to then identify what you WANT to have as patterns… what behaviors or actions to you WANT to do… Why do you want to do them, what is the end result you are hoping for, who can help hold you accountable and then begin making them a pattern.

We are in a period of questioning about our ways of lives, our ways of living and doing.  The economy is hurting and many of the things we clearly depended on are now no longer dependable.  It is a challenging time.  It is also a great time to take a look at what you are doing… just to make sure that what you are doing is the best use of you and your time.

As we explore this, i’m going to talk about this in terms of having and developing a Context, identifying and being clear about Resources, understanding and clarifying Relationships, and finally making sure that we are grounded in Reality.

When we started out journey on a different way of living, we didnt go through a step-by-step process… we just “felt” our way… but it did start with Accountability.  My wife asked me what was important in my life… i told her that it was my relationship with God, her, raising my boys, and being a contributing member of my community… then she asked me whether or not my calendar would reflect those same goals.  nope. didnt. not even close.  I had a ton of excuses, but what it all boiled down to was that i was doing my job and getting all kinds of needs met there - success, people coming to me with problems, fixing broken things, lots of thank yous, lots of money, the big house, traveling (mostly work related)… BUT none of those things are things that i admitted were important to me… and, when i was honest and got called on it, i really didnt want those things to be who i was… and that started me thinking…

So, let’s start there. Start with “time”… money comes and goes… but time just “goes”… so where we spend time is a significant descriptor of what is important to us.

Take a look at your calender for 2008… your history…  Honestly, count up the number of hours you spent doing things, sleeping, eating, playing, working - with work, make sure that you count your commute, your time there, travel, etc. - but be honest… If 2008 is too much, look at the last 3 or 4 months.

NOW, pretend that where you spent your time is your priority and your goal - what does this review of your calendar say about you?

Write about what was great and exactly “right”… and write about what you would like to do differently in 2009.  The goal is to be conscious.

“A turtle was happily swimming along a river when a scorpion hailed it from the shore.  “Dear friend turtle!” called the scorpion. “Please let me climb upon your back and swim me to the other side of the river!” “No,” replied the turtle, “for if I do, you shall sting me, and I shall die.” “Nonsense!” replied the scorpion. “If I kill you in the middle of the river, you shall sink, and I shall drown and die with you.”

The turtle thought this over, and saw the truth of the scorpion’s statement. He let it upon his back and began swimming towards the other side of the river. Halfway across, he felt a sharp pain in the back of his neck. “Why have you stung me?!” cried the turtle as his body began to stiffen. “Now you shall die as well!”

“Because it is in my nature,” replied the scorpion as the turtle sank beneath the waters.”

It’s funny… by my nature or my nurture (God knows which) i am not a very trusting person.

but, i have been burned and surprised by people… and i have come to really look at the notion of trust from an accountable point of view.  i’m operating under the premise that as humans we have a requirement to engage in relationships of one degree or another.  those relationships can be between me and persons, organizations, governments, etc. and in those relationships there exists a certain amount of “trust”.

i have come to trust people to be who they are.

said more specifically, i trust people to be who they have behaved themselves to be… Dr. Henry Cloud calls this our “wake” - the “path” that a boat leaves in the water as it is moving.

this puts me in a position to be accountable if trust is violated.  if my trust is violated, it is because i misread, misunderstood, or chose not to pay attention to what that person / organization / government was doing vs. what they were saying.  unfortunately, the latter - that i chose to believe the words vs. the actions… that i chose to ignore the obvious is usually what happens.  these are the instances where i will at first feel lied to… then angry or cheated or mistreated… and then i realize i had ignored what i had previously experienced.

my choice to ignore what i knew, to set them up on a pedastal that they didnt know i had put them on and then holding them to a standard they werent prepared to meet… then being idignant when they failed…

it’s like the bailout of the U.S. auto industry - it has been leaking cash for years, losing ground, that structure could not continue - and now they need a bailout because of the economic crisis?  please… the U.S. auto industry has been failing because of the choices it has made.

or the bankruptcy of the Chicago Tribune - i’m sorry but how is the bankruptcy of a newspaper a surprise?  “that crazy internet thingy… who knew it wasnt just a fad?”… classic…

or the business partner i had…

it is about grounding ourselves in the reality that people / organizations / governments will be who they are…

their wake is not just their past but more than likely their future…

as we behave in one relationship, we typically behave in ALL relationships…

it is then asking myself the question: what am i pretending not to know... and then owning and being accountable for the result.

i am going to attempt to “define” what i mean by these words and then how i feel they fit when combined.  granted… it’s all a work in progress… so take it for what it is.
first, i’ll start with the notion of defining these terms by means of contrast.  for me it helps if i can see the opposite or the negative in order to gain a perspective on the positive.  it may give a sense of “context”.
first: simple.  as opposed to complex.  or simplicity vs. complexity.  i know… seems like a “duh” experience… but the depth comes from being conscious that anything simple can be made complex by virtue of the context and our psychology.  simplicity has less to do with a specific task (folding laundry) but is more related to the context in which the task is completed (to fold the laundry i need a clean place to lay the clean clothes, i should dust that table, but before i dust the table i have to find the cloth and the cleaner, on the way to where i keep the cleaners, i see that there is a pile of dirt the dog tracked in and so i need to sweep that up, as i go to get the broom and then i try to remember what i started out doing in the first place).  ”simple” aint so simple… it isn’t always the “task” or objective itself but as much the process whereby i go about achieving that task or objective… it requires discipline, a plan, and constant reassessment.
accountable  as opposed to victim.
i choose to look at being accountable as choosing a worldview that says “i attract all that occurs to me”.  for me it is a forward looking perspective and one in which i am ultimately in control.  i control how i react and what needs to happen to cause this to never happen again (in the case of a bad experience) or how do i do more of that (in the case of a positive one). a view of “ok… this happened now what am i going to do about it so i can learn from it.”
i choose to look at victim as a world view that says “he/she/it did it to me.” for me this is a backward looking and passive viewpoint.  a view of “how did this happen to me?” or “why me”.
i know that this may sound a bit bizarre, i mean what about if an earthquake happens or… i know, there are a never ending number of things that may not BE, technically, attracted by me… but so what?  i mean, this is about consciously CHOOSING to put myself in the position of at least being able to choose an action.  it is a philosophical perspective not necessarily “THE TRUTH” (whatever that is).
so… in combination, simple accountability is the conscious choice on my part to engage in and create a more simple existence so that i may be in a position to have a greater impact on the world around me… it is keeping true to the “simple” definition of accountability and living accordingly and honestly. i am ultimately accountable for making space in my life so that i may be a greater participant with God, my wife, my kids, my community, etc… and when “complexity happens” and chaos ensues or too much is going on or there is debt or the education system isnt what it should be or there isnt enough potable water in Africa or whatever… there is only one person to look to. me.

why not?   i run into people frequently who ask me about our chosen way of life.  frankly, it is a process…i struggle with constantly reducing the complexity in my life.  and then… i look… and i’ve filled my day and my time with “stuff”.  it’s an ongoing process.
the sub-title of this blog is taken from an interview i heard with Maya Angelou - i thought it captured where i am at this time in my life… and i’m constantly working through it - learning and relearning that.
In essence, I’m working through the process of choosing a smaller footprint in order to have a bigger handprint.
doing this by minimizing needs (in terms of using less, to be sure, but also consciously no longer being a slave to: debt, stuff, a job, etc.) in order to maximize my impact on the world around me (serving and being an active participant with my wife, my children, and the community we live in).
That’s the “simple” part - the “accountable” part is, basically, a conscious choice in life to not be a “victim”… to not look to point fingers… but to really look at myself the the role that i play.  It plays into my work with businesses and with people.

I start with a quotation from Thomas Merton:
“The rush and pressure of modern life are forms, perhaps the most common form of innate violence.  To allow oneself to be carried away by a multitude of conflicting concerns, to surrender to too many demands, to commit oneself to too many projects, to want to help everyone in everything is to succumb to violence.  More than that, it is cooperation with violence.  The frenzy of the activity neutralizes his work for peace.  It destroys her own inner capacity for peace.  It destroys the fruitfulness of his own work because it kills the root of inner wisdom which makes work fruitful.”